


now the night is coming to an end

by sadsunflowertumblr



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Light Angst, Merlin Needs a Hug (Merlin), Oneshot, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:33:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23413132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sadsunflowertumblr/pseuds/sadsunflowertumblr
Summary: "They were friends.""That was a long time ago,” was what he managed to say. Everything felt like a long time ago."Morgana was always kind, and just. What happened to make her so twisted?”Merlin knew exactly what._Based on a season 5 episode 6 deleted scene.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 53





	now the night is coming to an end

"Why Guinevere? She doesn't have a bad bone in her body, Morgana knows that."

"She also knows how much you love her."

"They were friends."

Merlin remembers. Oh, he so desperately remembers. The soft and gentle smiles between the ward and her maid. Morgana fought for Gwen when her father was to be killed, when Gwen was taken by Hengist's men, when Gwen herself was accused of magic. Morgana fought for her. Even when she was first learning about her own magic, she never strayed from her friendship with Gwen.

"That was a long time ago,” was what he managed to say. Everything felt like a long time ago.

"Morgana was always kind, and just. What happened to make her so twisted?”

Merlin knew exactly what. He picked up a stick, fiddling with it between his fingers anxiously.

“I could have saved her."

The two of them sat in weighted silence, Merlin going over old memories. He and Morgana helping Mordred when he was a boy. He and Morgana helping his village fight off Kanen and his men. He and Morgana at the druid camp...

“I once... had the opportunity to help her, back when she had first discovered her magic.” Merlin could feel Arthur’s eyes bore into him. “She-” His voice cut off. It felt like too much. “She came in after a nightmare, looking for Gaius.” His eyes were beginning to water. “She asked me if I thought she had magic. She just wanted someone to say it. She just wanted someone to say to her that she wasn’t crazy. I, I didn’t know what to do.” Merlin could remember her face, her reaction.

His throat started to strain.

Arthur let out a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood. “I don’t know what you could’ve done, after all-”

Merlin snapped his head towards Arthur, with a cracking voice he said, “I was the one who sent her to the druids.”

Arthur froze. His grin fading. “That was you? She wasn’t kidnapped?”

Merlin looked back down at the twig in his hands. He hesitated. “No.” It was barely above a whisper. He didn’t trust his voice.

“Why?” Arthur asked, his voice was cold.

Merlin swallowed. The knights were sleeping around them, this wasn’t the time for a private conversation. “I blame myself for what she's become,” he mumbled, as if answering a different question. Merlin let out a small gasp. Tears finally releasing.

He could hear Arthur’s armor moving as he shifted to sit up, closer to Merlin. “That’s not your fault,” he said to him.

_ You don’t know the full story _ , Merlin wanted to say. 

Merlin, a man of magic, could’ve given the help Morgana wanted– no,  _ needed _ . He was her friend, yet he was told to kill her, he was told to let her die and never find out about her true powers. She had reached a hand to him, begging for help. Instead, he just slapped it away. Merlin betrayed more of that trust, by poisoning her. She could’ve been saved then. She was still far from corruption.

Merlin flinched, the idea of “magic corrupts” rang in his ears. He  _ wasn’t _ a monster. Magic  _ wasn’t _ evil.

“Merlin?” Arthur’s voice broke through his racing thoughts. Merlin looked over to him, blinking away tears that blurred his vision. Arthur was worried. They sat there staring at each other.

After a minute Merlin forced a smile. “We have a long journey ahead tomorrow, get some sleep, sire.” Arthur didn’t move, he just followed Merlin with his eyes as he laid down on the ground with his back towards his king. Merlin’s face dropped and stared off into the distance, thinking about the first year or two he came to Camelot. Having to keep his magic hidden. Trying to do his best to fulfill his destiny. Look where that got him now. Mordred was a knight, closer to Arthur than ever. Morgana’s taken Guinevere, Arthur’s wife and lover, as bait.

He heard a huff, followed by the sound of Arthur laying down himself to fall asleep.

If only Arthur knew...

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Any feedback is welcomed.


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